On Jan 12th of this year (wow, just last week), I wrote this in my journal:
'Yesterday I found myself describing myself in my head as a professional dreamer. I just 'dream' and 'long for' and enjoy the excitement of thinking of 'what if' and making plans, but I never 'DO'!!! I don't want to just be a 'dreamer' and a 'thinker' all my life... I want to ACT!, to take the first 'known' steps and not worry about all that I don't know after that. And Lord, I know that that's what You want! Maybe we even need a class on 'faith infusion', to champion one another and whatever God is calling each of us to do: to build up and encourage one another in the midst of a 'world' that is constantly tearing everything down and apart with criticism and shuts us down. So Lord, let me do the next thing... Let me believe and follow Your lead. I don't want to only be a professional dreamer. I CHOOSE to be a 'professional BELIEVER', which always means 'acting upon'.
Then yesterday our pastor spoke at a conference and ended with this challenge (and these are rough notes, but essentially):
1) what are you supposed to be doing that you are not doing?
2) (fear of man is a snare) who comes to mind as you think about doing it? Probably that's the person who is impeding your obedience and
3) what will you do about it TODAY? Be obedient to what God has asked you to do. If He has put something on your heart, you are responsible to obey.
Well, that last one with the 'TODAY' word worked for me. I sat down and put on paper something that God has had on my heart for years and had shown me the first steps to (that I really, in my flesh, do not long to do/it is on the bottom my dream list honestly). And then I acted on it yesterday so that I couldn't just think about it and decide not to do it.
For months He's been encouraging me to just do what I already KNOW without all the how's and why's fully answered and has stirred my heart with what it would look like if we ALL did just that with that 'thing' that He has put on our hearts. Just take the first known steps.
My actions yesterday still seem foolish, and I'm not sure how I am going to follow through (it will ONLY be through His strength and leading, and isn't that where He wants us!) He shows Himself strong in our weakness.
And THIS right here!! is another that I know that I'm supposed to do and am not. To write on this blog is never 'urgent'. You know what I mean? You go from assignment to assignment and deadline to deadline and are constantly trying to keep up with never-ending life responsibilities. It always seems more prudent to clean my house rather than sit here at the computer writing.
BUT GOD.. (don't you love those words in scripture), but God has asked me, and that makes all the difference (or it should)! I can't even tell you how many times I have argued that someone else could do this better or that someone else already IS doing this better. Who needs another blogger?! But He won't have that argument :). He just responds, "But I've asked you." And sadly, I have continued to be 'lazy' in this area (forgive me, that word actually is disobedient). I have known that my refusal has been disobedience for years, so I have been obedient is little spurts.
And in recent years, honestly, I feel like I have been stymied by all the loud 'opinions' out there about EVERYTHING with no grace. Who wants to expose yourself to that, right? And then when I decide to obey, my perfectionism kicks in. I don't have the time to make it perfect, or my journals are so full of stuff where is the perfect starting place? (what a problem, right?!)
So I have had moments of just desiring even 30 days of just putting it out there and it not needing to be perfect or caring what anyone thinks, etc. Oh just freedom! Fling it out there and allow my overly careful, perfectionist self to be as much of a 'loose cannon' as my overly careful, perfectionist self could be.
Maybe that's what this TODAY will start. I give myself to that possibility. I hope you will too.
I'm an over thinker. I choose to not overthink for the next 30 posts (even if they can't be in consecutive days- I don't think they will but maybe). I choose to be a 'professional believer' for the next 30 posts (and hopefully longer than that), putting my full trust and hope and protection in Him, and I will ACT! (I will start by posting this post! Today.)
Oh, will you join me in that decision if you relate to this? What are you supposed to be doing that you are not currently doing, and what are you going to do about it TODAY?!
"Therefore everyone who hears these words of Mine and acts on them (does them), may be compared to a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and yet it did not fall, for it had been founded on the rock." Matt. 7:24,25
"'I love you, O Lord, my strength.'
The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer,
My God, my rock, in whom I take refuge;
My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
I call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised,
And I am saved from my enemies." Psalm 18:1-3
Let me say it again! 'I will not overthink. I will act. I will obey. I will be brave.' Because really, what's the worst that can happen, right?
I will believe and trust in Him who is able and loves me, and I will rest in His love (no matter what anyone else out there thinks of me :).
"And He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.' Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore, I am well content.." [O Lord, help me to be well content with...] "
with weaknesses,
with insults,
with distresses,
with persecutions,
with difficulties,
for Christ's sake;
for when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Cor. 12:9,10
I step across the line of fear, and I RISK.
I say that, and He reminds me that I've actually done that a long time ago/doing things for many years that I would never have done had I not.
So the difference is: I've stayed very close to that stepped over line and often put at least one foot back over on the other side and have tottered there ('like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind' James 1:6) in doubts. I choose to turn my back on the line and all the doubt that accompanies it and RUN towards THE ONE I TRUST in faith, to care deeply about what He thinks and has asked me to do.
(I choose to post right now as I head out the door even if this is not perfect!)
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